Right from the very beginning stages of conception, us women begin this seemingly very unfair time in our relationship.
To be exact, the injustices start from when we begin our periods! I remember being outraged that my brother didn’t have to undergo the same pain that I had to endure every month……..for the next 40 years!!!
This was the start of the whole gender unfairness that seems that we women experience. Nothing winds me up more than the phrase ‘Women are the fairer sex’. Actually sir, we are far, far from it.
Whether you conceive by a little ‘whoopise daisy’ or spend years trying, or undergo IVF, the moment we pee on that stick and get the “positive sign” we begin a very different physical and emotional journey to that of our partners.
People nay-say me on this, but from my own experience and witnessing girlfriends and family – IT’S TRUE!!
Our hormones go haywire, the yucky morning sickness, being poked and prodded for blood tests, scans, bump measurements, cervical checks.
Then having to give up our favourite vino, cheese or salami and not being able to see our vagina for at least 4 months. The list is endless..
Whilst I was super excited and in absolute awe at this little human that was growing inside of me, at times it can all seem to so unfair.
After all, our partners contribution was an orgasm and there has been no change for them other than they once a happy wife who has now morphed into a grumpy, larger version of herself.
It can all feel very isolating and overwhelming and.. intruding.
Then we have the birth.
For both my boys, I had ideals on how I wanted their birth to be. I attended hypnobirthing classes (where my husband after a heavy night out with his friends fell asleep).
I invested a huge amount of time reciting affirmations and reading books on how my body was made for birthing, where all my hubby had to do was literally just turn up, and be there to catch the baby.
Due to circumstances, I needed to have a c-section and after having had a very anxious non sleeping night before hand, we reach the theatre doors of the hospital and my hubby tells me ‘I cant do this, I’m not sure I can go in with you’. I replied “WTF? Your coming in, I don’t get the choice, so do neither do you!” I did say this maybe not so eloquently, so there was no chance of a misinterpretation and to help alleviate my wanting to punching him in the face!
Second son, I had the wonderful natural birth experience I had wanted with my first.. It was an intense, out-of-body experience, it was an exhausting but exhilarating middle- of -the-night labour. One of which I also had to try and keep my husband awake for the duration of.
The recovery for both births took their toll, and also time. Despite the responsibility of fatherhood taking some adjustment first time round (think ‘wetting of the head’ after the birth), the second time round my husband stepped it up and did his best to care for me and his boys.
My point being, when the other half cannot relate or truly understand what it is we are experiencing both emotionally and physically, you may find pregnancy and birth can be a lonely time.
This is when we need to find and rely on our women tribe.
To surround ourselves with strong, experienced and empathetic women who can support you.
Women like midwives, family, friends, doula’s.
Women who understand what it feels like to undergo a long 9 months. Women who can relate to all the worries, excitement and adjustment that goes with this new transition into motherhood and way of life.
Talk to them, seek advice if you need it and share what you are feeling or what you are experiencing.
Share this with your partner too, it’s important for them to know where you’re coming from, but when if he doesn’t understand, just try not to punch him in the face!
By Jo Bealey
Post-partum doula & online mama well-being coach.
This September online course is being released designed especially for Mama’s-to-be. This course will create a blissful pregnancy, an empowered birth and a happy and calm journey into motherhood. Click here to learn more!
Jo is a postpartum doula & mama well-being coach. She is passionate about nurturing mum’s to create calm, and happy families.Jo run’s a Facebook pregnancy & postpartum well-being group, offer’s one to one support (both locally and online) and run’s various group online course’s.
If you would like to work or collaborate with her, please contact: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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